Pain

They say when you die the pain stops. That when your heart stops beating people cant hurt you. Well they'er wrong. Just because it stops doesnt mean it cant be broken. Over and over again.

I should have given up hope when Michelle was taken from me. But I held out, for 80 years even for a vampire thats along time, watching the world change around me...from almost no phones to everyone carrying it around one in their pockets. And watched alone...waiting in the night. Foolish..

I didnt come to Santa Cruz to find someone to hold...but I did or at least thought I had until she slipped through my arms...Then Lily my rose...I love her as much as I do Fiona..but Fiona has Sally now..and soon I'll stand watch them marry...Dance with the bride before slipping away unoticed.

Yes I love Lily and it rips me up inside..but she wants her freedom and who can blame her.

So I will live alone...watch from the shadows help where I can bury myself in my gems. Come when Im needed and slip away when Im not.

I've lived alone before...I can do it again. A large empty house. All I wanted was to fill with sounds of a family or as close as I could make it...But that dream is as dead as I am.

I'll live alone as I was obvisoulsy ment to accept my fate and stop fighting for what Im not meant have..and I will continue.

Death Day

Well so much for plans. It was going to be me and Fiona alone at the Yacht...little did I know, she already had plans. 

Katie forced me out of the house after I hadnt heard from Fiona all day. After taking care of bussisness with Ace I went back to the haven to meet and poof...she was gone. So I headed for the yacht. And no Fiona. So I went back to the mansion and waited. 

Katie declared we were going out...And then I find Ace her willing accomplice. So not happy I go off in the car with the two of them. To The Caulderon a new club...I should have seen what was going on as soon as the club came in site. "Blonde Bimbo Night" Should have sent warning sirens the moment I saw it. 

And the inside done in red and black and blondes as far as the eye could see...she had gone through a great deal of trouble to have all of this done.  And then the back room and the banner. She had thought of everything.

Everyone was showing up and having a good time. Nails, Asenath,Elizabet. And yet still no Fiona...Then it happened. That damned announcement...Renee kidnapped by the Yakuzza. Nails with 72 hours to turn himself over to them and the rest. Sally showed up then...and took control. Needless to say...someone owes me a party. Cause after that everyone left...and still no Fiona.

And all I could think after that was how upset she would be. She took it well, once she showed up I must say. Niko came with her it was good to see him. 

But then we went down stairs...oh my The Garden. It was like home. Green as far as the eye could see. And lit by sunglight...how long had it been since I was able to walk in the light with someone I Loved? Over 80 years. and her gift..those pictures each one a treasure.  

We walked in the garden for who knows long. Talking remembering. The light on her skin only made me fall deeper in love with her, the look in her eyes set off by the light of sun...Took my breath away. And then I carried her to the bed...

The passion there was like nothing  we had shared before, or bodies merged togather as if they had always meant to be with each other. Time vanished as I looked down into her brown eyes her moans were like music to my ears.  We fell asleep in each others arms...and I couldnt think of a better way to end my night.

The only question is how do I surprise her...How could I possiably match what shes done for me.

Loves and Friends

I stand here looking at the moon, as faces pass before me...Michelle the lost love, taken from me before we had a chance to live our life togeather. Caesar the man who brought me into this world. Bridgett the women who always stood by his side. 

Fiona, my ruby the one light in my life. The one thing I worry about loosing the most. Everything else could be ripped away from me so long as I can look into those eyes and know that she'll be there. But I can be foolish and can loose her. 

Nails although I dont say it your a brother to me. A fellow Irishman. And the only one who would walk away from the women he loves for me..for her? Does it matter? If everyone only knew what hid behind that gruff exterior.  You care far more than you want the world to see. And it does you credit.  But why do you make the moves you do without talking to those who trust you the most...why dont you come to us and ask for the help you know you need?

Katie, my childe..my greatest triumph or biggest mistake? Ive seen what you could be..but what you are...is not what I need. And Im not sure if I can bring out what I need..what happened while I was away. Just a few short months...If things continue I'll have no choice but to do what I must.

The Old Katie

I dont know what happened. 

Shes changed..shes not the same little girl I raised and taught.  Should I have brought her with me from the begining. Was leaving her behind for a few months a mistake..should I have waited for a few months?

Was time that short?  Would the Prince still be willing to allow the embrace in March or April?  Its too late now whats done is done. I have to try and get My old Katie Scarlett back. But how.  

And now Fiona...my Ruby. Turning cold.  She knows how to push my buttons..she knows what I hate most..and what will push me over the top.  She can read me like a book,  and I love her..and theres nothing going to stop that.  I can deny her nothing. I know deep down shes doing what she thinks is best to help us all.  Still it hurts like an open wound. Worse than anything Victor could have done...that axe cutting into my chest was nothing compared to seeing her drive away with somone else

Im tired..Victor and Clara are dead.  They couldnt handle this city. They couldnt understand how we must all work togeather so that we can all survive.  Now I have to rebuild in my own Image...but how. How can I do this? Am I even prepaired? Or is this all too much? 

When it comes down to it...only time will tell.  

The Monster behind the Mask

I look at the glasses around me. How could I get this angry...again?!

No one can see this...Not this side of me. I cant let the beast control me like this. Theres too much at stake. Katie, Fiona. What would I do if I did anything to hurt them?

I know Embracing Katie hurt Fiona, and the heavens know I didnt mean it.  I love them both.  

Fiona my Ruby in the night..the one bit of color in the long darknesses that was my own mind.  A darknesses that lasted for almost a hundered years...and then there it was a light...shinning in the darknesses of Mourning Black. Now if I can only keep her...

Katie Ive been looking out for her since she was three...Shes always held promise. Now look at her a beauty stuck in time.  At least I gave her that..if nothing else.

And now I must look to the future..what comes next? Neither of them can be kept in danger...The time has come to let the dragon out.  I had hoped that here I wouldnt have to let him out...but I must. Theres too much at risk now to keep him in the cage Ive worked so hard to build...

But once hes truly unleashed can recage him..before someone I love gets hurt by him.

Katies Embracement

It's done. Ive Embraced Katie. Shes one of us now. Its a new life for her...I only hope I havent made a mistake.

What will this cost her?  Or me? Only time will tell....

Brians Boru Journal

When did it happen? That frist night on the yacht? Or was it always there since the first night we saw each other?

Who can tell? And honestly who cares...I'll not fight my heart anymore.

Its been over 90 years since she was taken away from me. 

Ive done my job. Served my Princes and Elders as required. Ive held more power than anyone could guess...I was the voice of Prince to those who would do his will. 

I stood as judge for the Dublin court. Now its time I was paid back. Is Love to much to ask for?

An interesting question..one that can only be answered by time. Of which I have an infinte amount.